Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
