Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
