I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
