You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
