Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
