Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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