I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
