so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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