I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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