So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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