i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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