i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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