I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
