I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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