i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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