i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
