I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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