The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
