At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
