I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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