Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
