I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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