how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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