He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
