you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My ass is underappreciated
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
