Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm too high and old for this...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
