I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
