When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
