you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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