i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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