What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
