enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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