you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
