someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
