I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
