you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
