some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
