He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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