It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
