ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
