you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
