i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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