Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
