In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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