plz talk dirty to me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
