ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
