Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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