I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
