I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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