i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
