Umm I'm too high to move.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
