She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
