Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
