remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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