did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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